I feel change everywhere. In the season, in how I feel, in my music, it’s in every aspect of my life right now. I often find myself writing about change a lot, but high school is full of things that are constantly around the corner. Nothing is what it seems to be anymore and I’m out of place with myself (if that even makes any sense at all). Who I surround myself with is starting to altar as well. I’ve always been one to over think and over analyze things, but when does it become too much?
I can’t even think straight because I end up having too many thoughts in the first place, which is even more frustrating.
I long to be sure of myself; I want to be sure of the decisions I make even when they’re not like others’. But I just can’t be sure of a lot anymore… This, too, is frustrating.
However, I have much to be grateful for. My sophomore year in music has been phenomenal, the best I’ve ever had. As I get older new doors open for me all of the time, each holding unique opportunities. I’ve done many things at a young age. Becoming Drum Major has really given me tough skin. Being in a leadership position, especially one like being DM, makes you suck it up even when you don’t want to. To get things done, you have to put on that side of you. That positive side, even when everything in your life is falling down. I’ve also had the honor of making concert IMEA this year. As a sophomore, this is no easy feat. I’ve worked hard at them, even if hey have their cons along with pros.
I’m in my second year of high school and am already waiting to leave, to get out of here. A part of me wishes I was back in summer, at DMA surrounded by my fellow music lovers. I feel like music is all I have left. Yes, I have my friends. But I feel like I’m even losing some of those, which just scares me to death. Everyone makes mistakes, right? But what happens when you lose trust? Earning it back is nearly impossible, or so it seems. I just wish to get out of this town, at least for a while. To figure everything out.
And for those who have stuck by my side even when I’ve really messed up, I want to say thank you. I mean it. You are the ones that understand that no one’s perfect, everyone messes up, and we should all forgive each other in the end. I’m not saying screwing up a million and one times is necessarily okay, I’m merely showing that everyone’s going to screw up at one point or another, and when that person needs forgiveness, sometimes they need it. I’ve faced my consequences, I’ve come to terms with what I’ve done. I can accept I messed up, no matter how much I wish I could take it back.
I long to do the right thing.
“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.”